I go through this time and time again. I have my highs and lows with him(boyfriend of 4 years). I was married 17 years prior to him and I get it. I get what I'm not suppose to feel like and those bad feelings are creeping back in. I think I'm letting those feelings come back in only because I'm allowing "him" to treat me the way the ex treated me. I tried communicating with him, I tried telling him I won't stand for it. I gave him scenarios of what my life was like before and I refuse to do a repeat of it. But tonight was a good night. We sat on the back deck and has a couple of drinks together and talked for about 3 hours. It felt damn good but I know in my heart it's only temporary.
I'm torn and I'm lost. I dream of what I want my life to be like, but am I reaching for the stars? Am I looking for something that doesn't exsist? Am I looking for that bullshit of the grass is greener on the other side?
I'd say I'm sad 80% of the time and dreaming the other 20% to keep me happy. I've given up trying to make this work. Where do I go from here? I ask myself that question over and over again. Why can't he just meet me half way?
I just tried an image search for despondent on google and nothing really came up to what I was feeling like so I think this photograph will have to do,
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